


Chasing Dreams Away

by Rikkapikasnikka



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Birth Control, Dubious Consent, F/M, Female!Tsukishima, Genderbending, Sexual Content, Unhealthy Relationships, heavy cursing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2018-03-11 21:27:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3333494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rikkapikasnikka/pseuds/Rikkapikasnikka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Look," Roppi growled. "I have no intention of marrying her and fulfilling her airhead fantasies of us becoming some happy little family. You are not going to keep putting them there. And thirdly, I..." He paused, weighing his words. "...I refuse to bind her to my pitiful existence."</p><p>"Such a righteous cause! Such valor!"</p><p>"Fuck you."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

_"Did you pop the question yet, Roppuji?"_

Oh how he loathed that nickname.

"I doubt I have, but whatever question would that be, Izaya-san?"

_"I think your lovely lady would be able to answer that quite easily~!"_

Red eyes slid sideways from his desk to the couch, where a big, blue blanket was bundled up around a human form, large eyes behind larger glasses fixed on a television screen a couple of meters away. Unruly bleached blonde hair poked out from underneath the blanket. Hachimenroppi could've reached out to card his fingers through it, knowing it was soft and thin, but he held back.

Just like he did with asking her what Izaya meant, because Roppi had already known. Izaya knew he had known.

"In that case, no I have not. Why?"

_"You and Tsuki-chan have been together for years! Isn't it about time to bind her to you for forever? Take the next step?"_

"I have no intention of doing that." He didn't. He never would. Yet he was pretty sure nothing would make her happier than a ring. A stupid ring to show off to other stupid people. A ring to proclaim that she was his and he was hers and that their union would last for the rest of their lives.

Yeah right.

_"Roppuji's just too shy to ask her. He's too scared of rejection!"_

"I'm pretty sure of what her answer would be, Izaya-san."

That grabbed her attention. Large red eyes tore away from their current interest to watch him, stare at him, curiosity plain in her soft features. She seemed to be wondering what topic Izaya and he were carrying over the phone, wondering if she would become privy to that information.

_"Are you now? What a confident man you are, Hachimenroppi-san."_

"Tsuki, go to bed."

She blinked at him, waited for barely a second, before she was picking herself and her blanket off the couch. She left the television on as she wandered off to their shared bedroom. Izaya's laugh was deep and knowing over the phone.

"Look," Roppi growled. "I have no intention of marrying her and fulfilling her airhead fantasies of us becoming some happy little family. You are not going to keep putting them there. And thirdly, I..." He paused, weighing his words. "...I refuse to bind her to my pitiful existence."

_"Such a righteous cause! Such valor!"_

"Fuck you."

_"Best to marry her soon, Roppuji. Before someone else sweeps her off her feet!"_

Roppi had had enough. He hung up.

Tsukishima would never leave him. She was too loyal, too sweet and innocent, to consider initiating a break up. She was gentle and soft, her words few and far between but always kind. Roppi... Roppi had no idea how such a girl had landed at his feet, but he knew that he would never be able to let her leave. Between the two of them, they might as well get married - if only because they were going to be together forever anyway.

Yet the idea of marriage frightened Hachimenroppi. He wanted Tsuki to always have the option of leaving. That she wasn't bound here, that nothing kept her here but herself. In the beginning, those first few months, that hadn't been true - but it was true now. Now, years into the future, when she was almost done with school and he was almost ready to move out of this old apartment.

Glaring at the current documents he had opened, Roppi grumbled and saved them. He shut down his computer, turned off the television, before following Tsukishima to bed. He told himself he'd get more work done tomorrow. When he came in, opening the door with a gentle push, he could see her laying on the bed - on top of the covers, pajamas on, but her eyes still open. Waiting. She watched him but soon glanced away.

"Not tonight, Tsuki-chan. Go to sleep."

She hesitated, then nodded, pulled back the blankets and sheets, and crawled underneath them. Bleached blonde hair sprawled across her pillow, like a star against the sky. Roppi didn't take his eyes off her as he undressed.

Only in his boxers, he slid into bed beside her, noticing her muscles stiffen and her body grow tense. He laid a hand on her shoulder.

"Oyasumi nasai, Tsuki-chan."

"...Oyasumi nasai, Rr-Roppi-san."

Other couples might've cuddled every night. Other couples might've shared a good night kiss and a brief hug. Other couples might've held onto each other until the sun broke the horizon and woke up in each other's arms.

It was not so with Hachimenroppi and Tsukishima.

They slept away from one other, backs turned towards the middle of the bed. Although they fell into dreams this way, Tsuki feared the morning that Roppi-san woke up before her. She set her alarm particularly early - so she could pull herself away from his warm back to go make coffee and start breakfast. She hated that her body craved some sort of affection from Roppi-san, but she couldn't deny that she wanted that affection too. Her mind was just much more rational about earning it.

Making coffee how he liked it, black and rich and strong, was one way she went about it. She made a quick, warm breakfast for them every morning while Roppi showered and dressed. She would wait by the table as he came out of the bathroom, bow her head and hand him the mug.

He took it, sat down at the table, and picked up the newspaper she had retrieved from their front porch just minutes ago. She moved to pull back her own chair.

"No. Go change, you look like a whore."

Tsuki flinched, but she nodded all the same and scurried back to the bedroom. She exchanged her pajamas for a sweater, scarf, pants and boots for school, and then hurried to the washroom to fix her hair and brush her teeth.

There. Acceptable. Roppi glanced at her and muttered the same when she sat down at the table.

It warmed her heart to see he hadn't touched his food while she was away. He had waited.

She muttered her thanks for the meal and then started to eat. Roppi put down his paper and copied her, although his movements were slower and more controlled as he ate. Tsuki was eating faster, swallowing before completely chewing.  She knew she only had a limited amount of time before the train departed for the university.

"Did you take your medication, Tsuki-chan?"

"Aahh...!"

Roppi raised a brow when she stood up and nearly tripped over her chair in her hurry to reach the sink. She pulled a small medicine case down from the cabinet: It had seven sections marked with the days of the week by their beginning kanji. She struggled to pop open the day marked 'Thursday,' but she was soon dumping the contents into her palm.

One pill, small, oval, and white, was for her anxiety. Celexa. Common side effect of sexual dysfunction.

Another pill, also small, but blue and round this time. Birth control. They were usually blue, but for one week they would be white instead.

Another pill, much larger, a precious 800 milligram of ibuprofen, for the various aches and pains.

A vitamin. A fish oil. Another vitamin. Six pills all together, a strict regimen that Hachimenroppi kept her on, never letting her skip a day. Not that Tsuki minded. She had been thankful for the ibuprofen and the celexa. And while she didn't care for all the vitamins, she didn't mind them either. Roppi-san had been kind enough to house her, cloth her, and provide for her. He cared about her, more so than anyone else had before him. Except maybe her older brother.

The birth control, however...

Tsuki had mixed feelings about it. Her menstrual cycle had been rather normal before the pills, and it wasn't much different now. Her 'hormones' had always seemed pointless in comparison to her anxiety, and it wasn't like the extra weight gain was too bad (she had never been particularly skinny). No, it was the thing that birth control was named after that caused her hate for it.

She often lamented about it on the way to school, like she did today, standing on the train as it rattled along. Her mind filled with endless possibilities. After she graduated, they could move into a house, get married, start a family...

The daydreams were beautiful in Tsuki's head. She hugged her midriff, imagining herself round with child, Roppi's child, and a small smile graced her face. Neither of them had had great parents, so they would have to learn, but she knew Roppi-san would make an excellent father. It hurt to know that he didn't share that thought, but in her fantasies, she ignored that.

She ignored a lot in her fantasies. Like that Roppi-san didn't want children, didn't want to get married, didn't want anything more than a quick fuck at the end of the day...

Her legs pressed together tightly, thankful that he had gone straight to bed last night. Tsuki wasn't stupid; she knew why Roppi-san kept her around the apartment, and it wasn't to clean and cook for him. Although those were definitely some perks out of their arrangement.

But her heart beat faster with fear. Tonight would be worse; Roppi was rarely gentle, but he was bound to be rough since he had skipped a night. She worried her bottom lip with her teeth, thoughts scattered and distracted before she had even stepped off the train. No, she had to stop and focus. Right now, she had to go to class. School came before everything: before cleaning, before cooking, before television, and before Roppi-san.

As hard as that was.

Yet after she went back home with more work and more reading and more chores all reeling in her mind, she couldn't help but feel angry at herself for being right. The moment they finished dinner and the dishes were in the sink, he was grabbing her, kissing down her neck, pushing up her shirt. She tried to brush him off for awhile, wanting to at least finish cleaning up, but he was persistent. He pinned her hands together and moved her scarf aside to sink his teeth into her shoulder in some kind of twisted love bite. It hurt and Tsuki whined.

After that, she couldn't resist him.

He dragged her down the hall, shedding her clothes as they went - her scarf, over a chair; her sweater, by the bathroom; her bra, in the bedroom doorway as he massaged her breasts and seemed to weigh them in his hands, as if they were bigger than the A-cup they were.

Her pants came next, and she tried to pull the shirt he wore over his head. Roppi let her, then removed her underwear. He stuck three fingers in his mouth, licked at them for a moment, and then used them to check to make sure Tsuki was wet enough and free to take.

He had gone in blind once and a toy in the way had surprised him.

Finding her too dry, he grumbled and reached for the lube - and Tsuki laid there, shaking and trembling with fear and excitement, but thankful he was somewhat looking out for her.

The zip of a zipper, Roppi's deep sigh, the sound of lube squishing between his fingers and Tsuki gulped. Roppi's eyes ran over Tsuki's body. Aroused, he growled, flipped her over, and then pushed himself inside of her in one swift movement.

Tsuki bit back her scream. Her fingers dug into the sheets and her toes curled and her back arched as she tried to bear through the agony. As she tried to deal with the mixed signals of pain and pleasure on her own, Roppi began to grunt and thrust; he hadn't bothered to take the time to see if she was ready.

She couldn't find her orgasm, not like this, and when he slumped and came inside of her, Tsuki could only let out a soft sigh of relief. They collapsed on the bed, and Tsuki shivered from the chill of the sheets. Roppi pulled her close to bask in the warmth of her flushed nakedness. His nose nuzzled against her shoulder, sharp and insistent. He drew the blanket over them, kissed her skin, muttered something Tsuki could not catch, and let his hand drift between her legs.

His fingers were much kinder but still rough, as was Roppi's tendency. He hooked them, twisted them, rubbed and pushed and pressed, until Tsuki was giving soft moans and bucking into his hand. She came with a whimper, her body spasming, and Roppi pulled his hand away.

Tsuki glimpsed it as it passed in the corner of her vision. Clear lube, white spunk, and her own fluids, both milky and red, drenched his fingers.

"Are you hurt?"

She shook her head. It was quite normal for her to bleed a little bit.

"Good. On your knees."

He came inside her one more time that night, though Tsuki didn't. As he fell asleep beside her in the bed, she couldn't help but wish that his seed might take root in her belly. Tsuki knew these were odd thoughts and she knew that it would never be possible if she kept taking the birth control. Yet the desire to have his children was so overpoweringly strong, she was willing to let him fuck her every night until he tired. Even when she didn't want to endure it.


	2. Chapter 2

Tsuki crawled out of bed, bowlegged and flinching, biting her lip to keep herself quiet. She ran a hand through Roppi's crown of black, thick hair, before tucking in the blanket around him. She grabbed a tissue from the bed side, cleaned out the mess of fluids between her legs with careful fingers, and threw it away.

As she wandered the apartment, she picked up their strewn about clothes. They were mostly her clothes, but still...

She put some of them back on to hide her nakedness, then went to the kitchen to finish cleaning up. Tsuki moved awkwardly and gingerly, still aching, but feeling satisfied. She didn't mind the feeling as much as she used to.

She was placing the last pan on the mat to dry when Roppi's phone, sitting on his work desk next to the couch, lit up and started to buzz. It danced along the surface as if it was happy to receive the incoming call.

Out of curiosity, and knowing that Roppi was sound asleep, Tsuki went over to it and looked at the screen. She perked up at the name she saw and decided to answer it. Roppi wouldn't mind if she talked with his cousin right?

Flipping the phone open, she placed it to her ear. But she was unable to squeeze out a timid hello before Izaya-san was saying, _"Roppuji! Have you asked her yet?!"_

Tsuki didn't know what Izaya meant, and she stayed silent for a few long seconds before opening her mouth. Her first intake of breath was interrupted by Izaya once again.

_"Tsuki-chan? You naughty girl, picking up the phone! Is my cousin asleep so soon?"_

Tsuki nodded, recalled that this was a phone, and said, "Yuh-Yes. He's a bih-bit tired."

Izaya laughed. _"Do I have a little blondie to blame for that, Tsuki-chan?"_

She blushed. Izaya seemed to sense her embarrassment over the phone. Tsuki could picture his smirk as he spoke.

 _"A very naughty girl then!"_ He laughed afterwards, and Tsuki blushed even brighter.

"...He stah-started it," Tsuki muttered in her defense, and Izaya laughed again.

_"I'm sure he did. Ne, nee, has he asked you to ahhh, take his hand?"_

Tsuki blinked, surprised, and the blush faded from her cheeks. Her lips pressed together, the pieces slowly clicking together, before she answered with a soft, "No..."

Izaya tsked.

"Mm-Maybe he will after I grah-graduate," Tsuki said with her voice full of hope. She knew she was odd. All of her friends didn't daydream of getting married, yet half the time, it was the only thing Tsuki could dream about.

 _"I don't think he will, Tsuki-chan,"_ Izaya said sadly. _"I've been pressuring him to ask, but he has been adamant. He won't do it."_

Her heart twisted and collapsed in on itself. Or at least, that's what it felt like.

"Mm-Maybe... Maybe he juh-just..."

 _"Doesn't want to tell me?"_ Izaya finished for her. _"Doesn't want anyone to know? He doesn't work like that, Tsuki-chan. And you're a smart girl. You know that."_

She did know that. Dejection filled her body and she sat down on the couch, drawing her knees to her chest. Her lower regions complained, but she ignored them.

"...I wah-want to mm-marry him."

_"I know you do, Tsuki-chan."_

They stayed in silence for a long while, Tsuki mulling over the idea that she may not get to be with the love of her life the way she wanted to be with him.

_"...Surely you can do something to change his mind, Tsuki-chan?"_

She thought about it, but shook her head. "I... Nn-No, I don't th-think so."

_"Hmm. What if you proposed to him?"_

Tsuki hadn't considered that. But she knew why too. "He'd tuh-turn me down," she answered truthfully.

Izaya hummed in agreement and they lapsed back into silence.

_"...What if Tsuki-chan got pregnant?"_

Her heart soared at the simple word that wasn't so simple. Izaya heard her sharp intake of breath and chuckled darkly.

"I... I kuh-can't, Izaya-san. He has mm-me tah-take the pill every day. He makes sure."

_"Oh, we can get around that. Are you sure he's asleep?"_

Tsuki tip-toed back to the bedroom, peered in to stare at Roppi's sleeping form, and went back to the living room.

"Yeh-Yeah, he's out."

_"I'll be there in fifteen!"_

And the phone went dead.

"It's a placebo," he explained to Tsuki some twenty minutes later as they stood in the kitchen with Tsuki's various medications spread out before them. Izaya had brought a whole kit over just in case. They were examining the fake birth control pills.

To Tsuki, they looked about the same. White and blue circles, roughly the same size, with the same imprints on them. But the blue ones were a slight shade off. She fretted and fidgeted over that little fact, but Izaya comforted her.

"As long as you're putting them in your mouth, he won't notice."

So they carefully replaced the real birth control pills with the fake ones.

"They're just compressed sugar really, so they won't harm the baby," Izaya said, patting her on the back. Tsuki paused, then pointed to the celexa.

"What is it?"

She told him. He waved it off. "Antidepressants won’t usually affect the baby, from what I've heard. While it's always a risk to take medication while you're pregnant, I think you'll be fine. Besides, it's more important that you don't panic, yes?"

Tsuki hadn't considered that, her mind already more focused on taking care of Roppi's child. She nodded in agreement, thanked Izaya, and he laughed.

"Don't thank me yet, Tsuki-chan. It’ll still be best if you ask a doctor first. Besides, you never know - maybe Roppi will abandon you once he finds out, ne?"

Tsuki shuddered as she remembered those chilling words. She was climbing back into bed beside Roppi, trying not to consider that possibility, but...

She dreamed about being fat and round, fatter than any pregnant woman could ever be, and Roppi scowling and saying hateful things and leaving the apartment. The door slammed loudly behind him. When she looked back down, Tsuki was holding a baby that was ugly and deformed and looked nothing like Roppi.

The routine repeated in the morning; Tsuki took her pills, and Roppi suspected nothing. He fucked her again that night, since it was Friday, and she came as many times as he did - her body aroused by the very possibility that tonight could be the night that she conceived.

Roppi was surprised, and he lustily commented on Tsuki's enthusiasm before driving into her again and taking her so hard she bled. She still came with him, her limbs trembling in excitement.

She slept contently that night.

But in the morning, Tsuki knew that there was no way a baby was growing inside of her. It would take a few days for the birth control hormones to leave her body entirely and for her own body to resupply the proper ones. It could be weeks, even months, before she was ovulating. And it wasn't until she was ovulating that she would be able to get pregnant.

And if she had her period first, then she'd have to wait even longer. On top of that, it could be two or three months before Tsuki even knew she was with child - she wouldn't dare purchase a pregnancy test even if Roppi didn't question it.

After two weeks, the white pills turned blue, and Tsuki realized that the placebos wouldn't trigger her period like the birth control did. Fearful, she wrung her hands constantly, wore a pad anyway, and hoped Roppi wouldn't notice.

But he did. She could tell. He noticed everything and she knew then and there that this wouldn't work, there was no way...

Her period came on the third blue pill, and they both seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. It was a disaster just narrowly avoided.

"I don't know what we can do for that, Tsuki-chan," Izaya said. He had come to the university to partake in lunch with her, and she had willingly expressed her concern. "I think you were really lucky to have triggered menstruation when you did, but we can't guarantee it'll happen in four weeks. And it definitely won't happen when you're pregnant."

Tsuki knew that and nodded, sullen and quiet.

"I'll see what I can do, _ne_? Maybe we can jump start your hormones."

Tsuki chewed slowly on her salad, having chosen it in hopes of being healthy for the baby, and nodded again when she swallowed.

"Duh-Don't worry about it, Izaya-san. Yuh-You've duh-done so mm-much for me already," said Tsuki. She was truly grateful for his assistance, though guilt ate at her on the inside. She was going against what Roppi wanted, after all.

Izaya shook his head. "No, no, I insist. I put you into this mess, and if your boyfriend finds out, you'll be the first person he blames. Or the second," Izaya grinned and Tsuki shied away from that smirk. "Depending on if he figures out I'm behind it."

Tsuki swallowed her next bite uneasily.

"Heh-He'll blah-blame me..." She murmured. Izaya frowned.

"But it's not like he would hurt you, right? He loves you! _Adores_ you even!"

But Tsuki could only wish she had the ability to answer that question with confidence. She had no idea if Roppi would try to hurt her if he found out, and then she had to consider if she would be pregnant or not by then. Would a baby in her belly change the outcome, or would Roppi be more likely to hit her because of it?

Tsuki hoped that Roppi would have more heart for a second life inside of her, but that was in her silly fantasies. The real Roppi would most likely tell her to get rid of it. Thankfully, an abortion was out of the picture - Japan had made the procedure illegal, and unless her health was at risk, Roppi would not pay the money to have the baby removed.

Roppi could be cruel, but Tsuki knew he was also kind. She knew for sure that if she became pregnant, she would give birth. If she would be allowed to keep the child, however, was another story.

Some two weeks later, she noticed she was ovulating. It started with an annoying pimple, which Roppi had scowled at and told her to get rid of, but after that, the signs became more frequent.

Cravings had always been her number one symptom, and Tsuki found herself salivating over the images of ice cream, cake, cookies, mounds of sweet rice and omelets, and soon her cooking took a dangerous turn: She cooked what she wanted, made it sweet, and Roppi nearly gagged one night. He had pushed his plate away and excused himself.

Tsuki made sure to tone down her enthusiasm on the next meal.

Symptom number two was arousal. The celexa had always made it difficult for her to become aroused and even achieve orgasm, but her hormones soon overrode the anxiety medication. Tsuki would be left squirming and shifting in class, painfully aware of how wet she was and how badly she wanted Roppi's touch.

"You've been...very strange lately, Tsuki-chan..." She heard Roppi mutter to her last night. Tsuki could feel his fingers running through her blonde hair, stroking her scalp lovingly, and she curled into him tighter.

"I'm...I'm suh-sorry," She muttered, terrified that maybe Roppi had figured it out.

Yet he shook his head. "It's been a bit exciting," He smirked. "That thing you did with your tongue..." He purred into her ear, and Tsuki blushed.

"I've beh-been wanting you, uhm, ahl-all day..." She admitted shyly. Roppi raised a brow before his expression darkened and a lusty smirk took over.

"Oh~? You've had me twice now, Tsuki-chan. Are you getting greedy?"

She blushed, but she nodded.

She had him a third time. Tsuki swore she could feel the cum sloshing around inside her, but she knew it would be impossible to actually feel anything. For one, she could barely feel it when he came; she doubted she could feel it now, afterwards, when she was numb and tingly from her own orgasm.

But in the morning, the symptoms of her ovulation had faded away, and now, all there was to do was wait.

Their routine settled into something normal once again; sleep, eat, work, school, fuck. Repeat. It lasted one, perhaps two, weeks until Tsuki got her period again.

She stared, disappointed and deeply saddened by the appearance of small drops of blood in her underwear. She had cramps too: horrible, squeezing, painful cramps that seemed to chew up her uterus. Her breasts had been tender lately as well, and Roppi had commented the night before that they felt bigger.

All the signs of menstruation, Tsuki knew. And here was the last piece of evidence she needed. She nearly started to cry, but with Roppi just a few rooms away, she didn't dare let tears fall.

Her flow was weak for three days, but the cramps were horrible and Tsuki suffered through it. Roppi gave her a hot pad after school one afternoon, and she struggled to smile at him before going to lie down. He left her alone that night.

"I'm not quite sure what's wrong with her. Something's up. I can smell it." Hibiya wrinkled his own nose at Roppi's words, before shaking his head.

"Do you not trust your girlfriend?"

"I trust her wet cunt more than I trust her. At least that stays consistent."

Hibiya's frown grew deeper. "You're only saying that to me because Izaya would laugh at you."

Roppi growled at the mention of their cousin. He disliked the way Izaya meddled, the way he had a certain fondness for Tsuki, how he catered towards her desires. Not in a carnal way, of course, but he encouraged all her silly fantasies. Roppi was worried that his influence could become damaging. Every carrot that Izaya handed out was poisoned.

Roppi much preferred a stick, but a stick wouldn't keep Izaya from seeing Tsuki. And Roppi happened to know that the two met more often that he liked.

"Maybe. But I'm sure he's involved."

"Tsuki-chan is kind and honest. I'm sure if you ask her, directly, she will tell you. That is the type of person that she is." Hibiya nodded his head in affirmation. But Roppi was frowning again.

"She's hiding something then, Hibiya? Is that what you're saying?"

Hibiya shrugged. "Or maybe she's just been feeling off or stressed. It's up to you to make her feel better."

But Roppi didn't look like he would accept that for an answer. Hibiya left him alone shortly afterwards, leaving his cousin to stew in his own mind. It wasn't his problem - he and Delic had a healthy relationship, Tsuki would not change that.

Roppi, on the other hand, could. One wrong move towards Tsuki would cause Delic to come running, and Hibiya wasn't sure if the elder brother of the duo would be as kind to Roppi as he had been lately. Hibiya cared for Roppi because he was family, cared for Delic because they were in love, and cared for Tsuki much less than either of them. But when it came down to who he would support, Hibiya wasn't sure whose side to take.

It put him in a rather tough spot, and Hibiya would be much happier if Roppi avoided doing anything stupid. But he needn't worry: peace would reign over Roppi and Tsuki's apartment for another few weeks.

 


	3. Chapter 3

By this time, March was fast approaching and Tsuki was anticipating the long spring break. Her birthday came and went with barely a peep, just a phone call from her elder brother and her parents, both expressing their desire to see her sometime soon to reconnect, and a few text messages from friends and Izaya and Psyche - relatives of Roppi.

Hachimenroppi himself didn't say a word about it, but he was extra gentle and he cleaned the kitchen that night. Tsuki was thankful. Lately she had been feeling weirdly lethargic, tired and sleepy almost all the time. She was usually a diligent student, but she had dozed off in class three times in the last week. She didn't dare tell Roppi.

A week before the break, a few days following her birthday, she woke up sick.

Before she even had a chance to truly scramble out of bed, she could feel it crawling at the back of her throat. Panic took over, her legs kicking away the sheets, her body frantic, and Roppi found her hunched over the tub and emptying her stomach, pale and shaking.

He knew she had just barely made it. He knew that if she had woken up two seconds later, she might've been doing this in their bed, on their floor, or worse - on him. So Roppi dampened some hand towels, heated them up, and got Tsuki back into bed with a bucket beside her nightstand and a warm, wet cloth on her forehead."You're sick," Roppi said. It wasn't a question, just a statement. Yet Tsuki only stared at him with glazed eyes. Roppi sighed and shook his head.

"Get some sleep. I'm going to start working and you're going to stay home. I'll email your professors.

She mumbled something, but afterwards she rolled over and dozed off as Roppi went to work (after cleaning out the tub of course).

They didn't have to use the bucket, thankfully. Once she was awake enough, Tsuki was able to tell when the worst of it was coming and make it to the bathroom in time. Roppi took care of her, made her some ginger tea for lunch, and some soup for dinner. She kept both of them down, and the blonde was looking positively happier by then.

So he sent her off to school the next morning, relieved, only to scowl at her as she came home two hours early - pale and shaking and obviously upset.

"I... Ohn-On the trah...trah-train..."

He sent her back to bed.

And their day continued much like yesterday, and it seemed that Tsuki would finally be fine the next day. But as she went out the door, she felt her stomach turn. Tsuki told herself that it was nothing, that she was imagining the knots, but at the train station she could be found leaning over one of the dirty toilets and crying.

She couldn't go back to Roppi. Not now, not this time. Three days of being sick was surely cause for alarm, and he would want to bring her to a doctor. Tsuki didn't want to go to a doctor. A doctor would realize that she wasn't on birth control like Roppi thought she was.

So she called Izaya.

He picked her up at the train station, frowning, and helped her onto the next train bound for Shinjuku. He kept her close the whole ride there, keeping an arm around her shoulders, and she leaned against him - pretending it was Roppi-san who cared this deeply for her.

But knowing that Roppi would never let her do something so affectionate in public.

"How long have you been sick?"

"Th-This is day th-three."

Izaya hummed and abruptly pulled her into a small medicine store around the corner from his apartment. He left her at the door to sit down, then began walking the aisles. She watched him, eyes glazed over, before he finally walked over to the counter and talked with the woman behind it in quiet voices.

He came back for her, held out his hand, and they started their way back to his apartment. He didn't speak again until they arrived.

"Please make sure you're only doing it in the toilet, alright?"

She nodded. "I've...beh-been pretty guh-good about that," Tsuki tried to chuckle, but it came out weak. Izaya rolled his eyes and handed her the bag.

"And tell me what the results are for that. The other one's for the nausea. The lady said it'd be safe for the baby if you are carrying, but I still wouldn't suggest you start wolfing them down.

Frowning, she opened the bag and peered inside, biting her lip after she saw its contents.

"Izaya... I had mm-my period... I kuh-can't be..."

The pregnancy test was glaring at her, a pink box with detailed instructions, and Tsuki had to close the bag to make it look away. She looked up at Izaya with a frightened expression.

"I...I'm nn-not..."

"It doesn't hurt to take the test anyway. Do it here, find out now, because heavens knows what Hachimenroppi would do if he saw you with that."

And she understood. She knew.

So Tsukishima navigated Izaya's Western-style apartment, carefully tip-toeing up the stairs and down the hall to the guest bathroom (which she had used only once before). She hesitated, decided to not lock the door, and went about opening the box and reading the instructions.

It said it would be most accurate if she took the test after she was sure she had missed a period, but Tsuki knew she wouldn't have time to wait for that. If she knew she had missed a period, Roppi would know too, and that wasn't something she could risk.

If this test was positive, she would have to tell Roppi this week. She would have to tell him before he noticed her missing period, her continuous sickness, her swelling belly...

Tsuki rubbed at her stomach unconsciously, wondering if a child was truly already inside her. There was really only one way to find out for sure, but...

But she was scared. This was what she wanted, but it was not what Roppi wanted. And going against Roppi's wishes wasn't like her. Especially something of this magnitude.

Yet still she slipped the small cup and the stick from the box, tried to position herself over the toilet so she could collect as much as she could in the cup, and when she was done, she stuck the stick in it as per instructions.

It would take about a minute it said, possibly less, but those seconds were the longest seconds of Tsuki's life as she zipped back up and redid the button on her pants. She could feel her pulse racing, her mind traveling a million miles an hour, and when she had counted to sixty in her head...

Tsuki couldn't bear to look.

She went to the door, opened it, and started to call for Izaya, only to see him waiting, leaning against the wall across from the bathroom. His smirk said everything.

"Well?"

"I..."

"Tsuki-chan doesn't want to look, does she?"

The fear must've been evident in her face, but she still didn't speak. Izaya rolled his eyes and walked past her, into the bathroom, and wiggled his nose at the little cup.

"Ugh, how foul. Is this really how it's done?"

"Uhm, th-there's...other ways... They're mm-messier."

Izaya sighed, picked up the stick, and stared at it before showing it to Tsuki.

"If I'm not mistaken, congratulations are in order. You're now a mother."

The little blue plus sign was faint, but it was there. Tsuki swallowed thickly, happiness and dread filling her stomach simultaneously.

She was pregnant with Roppi's child.

Izaya was kind enough to go over all the symptoms with her. The spotting, the painful cramps, the soreness in her breasts, all the usual signs of menstruation, had been signs of conception - hence why she had seen no major blood flow, Tsuki guessed. Izaya also showed her what was to come: morning sickness, swollen joints, and more hormone swings. He also advised her to tell Roppi sooner rather than later,

"I'll admit, my cousin won't like it. But if you want to do this soon, I'll see if Hibiya and I can be there when you tell him."

Tsuki nodded and then added, "And Deh-Delic-nii."

But Izaya was quick to shoot down that prospect, shaking his head and clicking his tongue.

"Your brother might be someone you want to tell when Roppi's not in his grabbing range. I doubt he'd be appreciative of his little sister getting knocked up with the spawn of the devil."

Tsuki frowned at Izaya's choice of words. This was  not Roppi's spawn, this was not some demon child, it was  theirs and that's what made it beautiful. But she knew others wouldn't understand. Few people would understand.

"He deh-deserves to nn-know."

"I won't deny that. Did you want to call him now? Telling someone would be good practice."

Tsuki looked down to her hands, which were cradling her belly, as if she could already feel the life inside of her. She ran her hands over her abdomen, thinking, before slowly shaking her head.

"Rr-Roppi-san deserves to nn-know firh-first," She said with confidence.

Izaya watched her, stared at her, before slowly turning around and picking up the phone at his desk and using it to dial a number. A short conversation took place between him and the person on the other line, but he spoke in a hushed voice and Tsuki had already sat down on the couch, still hugging her middle and trying to come to terms with what was happening.

Roppi would not like this, she knew that. He would be angry with her, perhaps for a long time. The possibility that today could be the last day she ever saw him hung in the air, however slight it was, and it frightened her.

So Tsuki tried to think positively. She hoped for a healthy child, a good birth, and she contemplated the child's gender and school and a couple of good names.

Now off the phone, Izaya stood in front of her, watching her, and she looked up at him. Exhaling, Tsuki tried to find some courage inside of her, but she failed.

"Izaya-san... Ih-If he kih-kicks me out..."

"There is a chance of that, isn't there?"

"...Kuh-Can I come bah-back here?"

Izaya seemed surprised she would ask, before chuckling and shaking his head with a smirk.

"You're welcome here any time, Tsuki. Just know that my terms will be very much like Roppi's - but perhaps worse."

Tsuki shuddered and gulped. She decided to ask her brother before she stayed with Izaya. She truly did appreciate everything Izaya had done for her, but she wasn't willing to become his minion. And she didn't want to be with anyone but Roppi; she was smart enough to know that Izaya's arrangement would involve many of the same things Roppi's did.

"Wh-Who did you kah-call?"

"Hibiya. He's on his way to your apartment right now!" Izaya grinned. "He's going to take him out to lunch. We'll meet up with them, how grand is that?!”

Tsuki frowned, concerned, but decided that maybe a crowded place would be better than a private one. At least in public, Roppi wouldn't try to hurt her or assault her or yell at her too loudly.

She decided to let herself be optimistic. While it was unlikely that Roppi would be happy about a pregnancy, surely he'd warm up to the idea over time? It couldn't be true that he was completely against the idea of children, there had to be some consideration, and now that Tsuki was almost done with school...

She'd had time to raise a child. And she wouldn't mind working and caring for the baby all on her own. As long as she had Roppi...

But as Izaya led her out the front door and down to the elevator and back into the street to take the train, she found herself questioning her thoughts. What if Roppi made her pick between him and the baby?

Tsuki knew the answer to that question, and it frightened her. It was not an easy decision. It was probably not the best decision for someone like herself, and she'd be locking herself into what would be a damaged relationship...

Roppi frowned when he saw her and Izaya. The Orihara was pleasant and greeted Hibiya and Roppi as if this meeting had been entirely planned (as it had been, but Roppi didn't know that), and he made sure to seat Tsuki across the square table from her partner before seating himself.

Roppi was watching her, glaring, clearly angry. "You're skipping school," he growled. Tsuki shrank into her seat, unable to look at him. Izaya chuckled, patted Roppi on the arm, and said, "Give the girl a break, Roppuji! She's not feeling well, y'know?"

Roppi's eyes went a little wide, then narrowed again. Hibiya stayed quiet, and silence fell.

"...Is this true, Tsuki-chan? You were sick again?"

She nodded hesitantly. She was trembling, he noted.

"And you called my cousin instead of coming back home? I could've taken you to a  doctor , Tsukishima. That's what you need. I do not want whatever damn bug you managed to catch!" He was angry already, Tsuki could see. She didn't answer.

Her silence only fueled his rage, and he continued to glare at her until even Hibiya and Izaya were uncomfortable.

"I should take you to one right now," Roppi grumbled. "But you're here for a different reason, aren't you?"

Tsukishima stiffened, and that was all the answer Roppi needed before he was leaning back in his chair and the tension slowly faded from the table. Izaya ordered tea for the men and a glass of milk for the young lady, and they were soon nibbling on a bowl of food that the waiter had brought out for them to snack on.

Tsuki didn't touch the food Izaya placed on her plate, and Roppi ordered for her when the waiter came around again. He did so reluctantly, as if he was ashamed he was in tune enough with her tastes to know what she might like, but Tsuki didn’t mind because the dish he had ordered sounded delicious to her.

And Tsuki knew that there would never be a better father for her child. Roppi understood her better than anyone, better than even her own family members, and he deserved... Deserved to know...

"...I'm pregnant."

She had said it quietly, as she was prone to speak, but it was heard and the entire table went still. Izaya himself seemed shocked, Hibiya confused, and Roppi - for perhaps the first time in his life - was paralyzed with his eyes wide. The clatter of the restaurant went on around them, until Roppi regained his composure.

He was angrier than Tsuki had ever seen him before. Even Izaya looked a little nervous as Roppi's eyes narrowed into a glare and his knuckles clenched so tight they turned white and pale. Slowly, he stood up from his seat, walked around the table, and stood in front of her.

"Rr-Roppi-san, I--" but Tsuki was silenced with a slap, a loud sound that sent her head spinning.

"Whose is it? Who's the father?"

Her heart plummeted; did he seriously think that she would cheat on him? That Tsuki would want to ever be with someone who wasn't Roppi-san? Her cheek still stinging from the slap, she shook her head. Roppi raised his hand again, but Tsuki instantly answered.

"You! Rr-Roppi-san is...is the ff-father..."

"And you're  sure  about that?"

"Yes," Tsuki replied. She was more than sure. Yet still she saw Roppi's glance at Izaya, his eyes narrowing and she could feel Izaya's smirk. Doubt would grow in Roppi's mind and she didn't  want  that. It was hard enough that she had gone behind his back already, she wouldn't know what to do if he thought she had done it twice.

"Pluh-Please believe me, Rr-Roppi-san..."

He wasn't even looking at her before he was raising his hand again, presumably to hit her, but it was Hibiya who stopped him.

"You're in public, cousin. Someone will call the police if you make a scene." All he had to do was lay a calming hand on Roppi's shoulder; Tsuki had always envied Hibiya's cool and collected personality, though his anger was as fierce as a raging demon. Those were Delic's words.

But Roppi backed down and glared at Tsuki before moving away to take his seat again. Rubbing her cheek, hurt more by the action than the actual sting, she waited for him to speak before defending herself.

"I want a genetics test whenever it's born."

"Of kuh-course..."

"Have you been to the doctor yet?" She shook her head. "I'll schedule that then. You're going to need more vitamins and to make sure everything’s...alright."

She nodded in agreement, watched over by the men sitting to her left and right. Although Roppi was striking up civil conversation, bringing up topics most new fathers might bring up, she could hear it: The anger, the rage, lying just below the surface, and he would let it unleash when they were finally alone.

Tsuki could see it also. The way that Roppi stared at her, watched her every movement, and she only picked at her food despite the deliciousness of it. He nudged her foot from under the table, and Tsuki knew it was a command to eat.

She tried to stomach as much of it as she could, eating slowly, but at the end of the meal, she had only consumed half her plate and Izaya was paying and they were standing up to leave.

Izaya seemed to understand that an entirely different kind of conversation would happen once Tsuki and Roppi were alone together. He delayed it as much as he could, insisting that a walk through Ikebukuro would be pleasant in the lovely spring weather, even though it was the middle of the afternoon, and forcing Roppi into several short-lived conversations. Tsuki really wished Izaya wouldn't; Roppi looked twice as pissed when he was talking to Izaya and he would often glare at her afterwards.

When they reached the front door to Tsuki and Roppi's apartment, Izaya smirked and tried to walk in after them, intent on making himself at home for a few hours, but it was Hibiya who pulled him back. Tsuki hung in the doorway, looking scared and desperate, but she knew she had to face Roppi's wrath at some point.

"Th-Thank you, Izaya-san," She muttered with a bow. Izaya frowned and put his hands in his pockets, concerned, before sighing.

"You be safe, Tsuki-chan. Make sure to call your brother soon, yeah? I'm sure he'd rather hear the news from you than this spoiled brat." Izaya jerked a thumb at Hibiya, who rolled his eyes before walking away.

"Whatever."

They watched him go, before Tsuki turned back to Izaya. She opened her mouth, but the sound of her name drifted out the door from behind her. Roppi was calling her.

"Best go tend to him. No one calms the demon like Tsuki-chan,  nee ?"

She bit her lip, nodded slowly, and then wished Izaya a safe trip back home before closing and locking the door behind him.

**Author's Note:**

> I frequently use Japanese in my writing of Japanese characters, but I do try to stick to simple phrases. If you have any difficulty understanding, please let me know!


End file.
